Tears

I'm leaving her.

I'm feeding her one last time. It still hurts. Each time the contractions; the scars below still healing.

But the milky softness of her; sharp fingernails; strong grip. Sometimes she looks up at me when she's suckling and I feel a desire to protect her that's so strong...

I'm leaving.

Putting my body into special storage where they'll dry me off, heal my new mark. Shucking off the bonds of blood and slipping into cloneflesh again, unchanged since before all this.

They're all here now, to see her claimed as kin. Mother came. Even Uncle Ashlar stood on the same ground as Auntie Mara tonight. She's one of us now, in her own right, her placenta planted in Paiho, her small body washed in the water of Waitimu and clan-marked in ash and oil, salt and blood. Kerem will nurse her and dry her tears, and she will have blood kin and milk kin to stand beside her as she grows. She has a place and a people while her parents roam the stars.

If I just I keep saying it.

It's also the end of this time with Jonny. My new place is built, and was blessed after Maia's naming. He's done well, working alongside the clan to make something.

I look into her eyes...

I've been checking ships. My crews are ready. I've been debating freespace in virtual bars. My mind is already elsewhere.

My heart is tearing.