It's been a year since the scheme to raise money against the land failed. A year since I was sold into service... since I went into service voluntarily to clear that debt.
They're not used to having money. Not sure what to do with it, or how to make decisions about it. They don't know how to plan something new: bewildered by the openness of possibilities. Give them something to scavenge and repurpose, though, and watch their eyes light up.
When I funded the project to build a medical centre I'd thought we might build something new. I was wrong. It's too early for that. But we can craft something that works.
You can build a ship in hours, so why should it take a year to build a surgical unit, research lab and clinic? And it needn't, if you're willing to use standard-issue ship components. So I've said I have some unused hab and lab and medical modules in the back of a hangar, and they're organising to get them down the gravity well to Paiho. That should be a fun challenge.
I ran into Jack Madison in the Gate. I don't think we'd spoken before. I'd seen him at that party at Sakura's place: the festival of alcohol where I wasn't drinking because Jonny and I had begun trying for this child. It was oddly reassuring to talk to a pilot who's been through it all before. He had a suggestion, too – something his fourth wife had done – about playing the same piece of relaxing music you like each time you go to sleep, so you're conditioning the child to settle when it's played. It sounds like what Kerem did with the bell she wore on a long chain, but more so. I've been playing music to pick something: Mirrors in the Mirror would be my choice, but would it break the clan's heart to play it? Is Seven Clans more something to get a child's attention while its crying, and then tone things down afterwards?
My pod swimmer, my aquanaut, my alpha strike: let me introduce you to music as one of the joys in life.
Jack also asked if I had things set up for the baby. I have and I haven't. There's stuff at home: there are always babies. But I realised then that once again we're always making do, and that once again I could make the clan dependent on my money if I change things the wrong way. I'll talk to the aunts. There should be plenty of money in the clan's accounts now for good-quality baby gear if it wants to replace things.
I felt a little silly admitting that I'd commissioned a cradle. So trivial a thing, of use for so short a time, but so symbolic. When the practicalities are taken care of by others, maybe the symbolic is all I can do. But let's not think of that now.
Oh, and the gap in the words has been because I've been dancing! It's different, but even with Jonny's long absences it means I'm sane again.
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